Monday, May 28, 2012

Isvarapranidhana

I have been thinking a lot about what we put our energy toward and how attached we are to the outcome.  In yoga there is this idea of acting for the sake of acting, for the longest time I thought it was so stupid because I thought it meant we should have no passion or goals or desires, but as I began studying more of the yogic texts I finally realized what it really meant. We are to let go of the outcome of our actions, but not let go of the desire to act.  T.K.V. Desikachar puts this beautifully in The Heart of Yoga he writes "paying more attention to the spirit in which we act and looking less to the results our actions may bring us--this is the meaning of Isvarapranidhana in kriya yoga."  Desikachar gives the definition of Isvarapranidhana as "the yielding of all action to God, the renunciation of the desire for the fruits for all action." It wasn't until I was talking to my husband today that this idea came back to me.
This past month my husband and I have been fasting from TV and video games, at first it was just fine, but about 2 weeks in I started to get really irritated and frustrated by it, mostly because I had more time to think about my life and what I am doing with it.  I had the realization that I have been putting a lot of energy into things that were pointless. I would sometimes surf on the internet for hours looking at things I couldn't afford all the while neglecting what I already had. I also noticed how much effort I would spend thinking about the outcome of different situations or actions, even though I had no control over what would actually happen. I have basically been driving myself nuts for the past few years. Only after cutting out these distractions was I able to see that I needed to let go of the results and not only look at how I was trying to get those results, but also learn to appreciate the path I was taking to get what I wanted.
The other day my husband pointed out to me how I seemed to be jumping from one thing to the next without even completing what I had started, I didn't really want to hear that, but it's true.  As a result of that conversation, and a few books I have been reading, I have began leaning heavily into God. Asking Him  for help and guidance while also trying to let go of what I am asking for.  Doing this has given me the opportunity to really experience what is at hand rather than worrying about what might happen in the future.  It is amazing how relaxed I have been the over the last week. I hadn't  realized how much I worried about everything in my life until I was able to let go.  There have been some pretty tough situations in which I have noticed myself getting all revved up and I can honestly say that it is such a relief to take a deep breath and let go.
I think I should also let you know that the more I have leaned on God the more my life seems to fall into place, I am not talking about big things here, just my day to day life. Everything seems to work out just the way it is supposed to.  Since I have been focusing on this a lot lately I have noticed how much myself and others put so much energy into the results our actions will bring, all the while missing out on this whole beautiful flow of life happening around us.  How often do we get so focused on one small little thing we are trying to accomplish that  we are unable to appreciate the process we are going through. How many nuggets of wisdom do we miss in life because we have all our energy focused on completing the task? There is so much more to learn in our actions, so much more to gain on the path than there is at the destination. As Americans we can get very caught up in the idea of deserving something, we think we are "owed" things. Why though? Can we really know why everything that happens happens? Are we able to see the future or understand how every decision we make affects the people around us or even ourselves? I know for myself how angry and frustrated I get when things don't go the way I thought they would, but in this process of relying on God I have found how silly my anger often is. So many times what I have perceived as a problem has actually been a blessing.  It is SO HARD  to let go of the results of our actions, but it is SO MUCH HARDER to hold onto  them. 

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