as we are so is the universe

When I was in 8th grade or somewhere around that time, I started to feel rather overwhelmed with life. I had nothing to feel overwhelmed about, everything in my life was generally fine, however I found myself coming home from school crawling into bed and crying for what seemed to be no reason at all. This was the first time I remember feeling this way, but this state of being would continue to come and go for many more years. I was depressed and not like oh a boy doesn't like me or I have no friends or I hate school, I mean I felt as if my soul had left me and I was the walking dead. I couldn't take this feeling very long before I talked to my parents. They sent me to a counselor and I decided to go on some medication, with the counselor understanding this was to be a stepping stone not a way of life. After about 3 months I decided to go off the medication and never went on it again.  However, I continued to have bouts of depression and get out of control with my anger till just recently.  I just wanted to be happy or experience some general peace in my life. To achieve this I thought I needed to have more control of myself or change who I was because I had come to believe that there were parts of me that needed to simply be removed. I believed there were things so wrong with me that peace would only come when I had completely disowned the parts of me that were causing me pain.  After years of disappointing myself and those around me I have finally realized that what I needed was to be honest with myself. I wanted to find someone or something else inside of me, I thought I could change myself enough to get to the places I wanted. Really, though, I needed to see myself for who I really was and accept not change who I was. As Debbie Ford says in Dark Side of The Light Chasers " Each aspect within us needs understanding and compassion. If we are unwilling to give it to ourselves how can we expect the world to give it to us? As we are, so is the universe."